Half the Man I Used to Be: Changes and Discoveries

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Hello Dear Readers.  I apologize for my absence these past few weeks.  It’s not that I had nothing to report, just not a lot of time to report it.  Here I am, though, back in the game.  Much has happened since last we met, so let me get right to it.

It has been twelve-and-a-half weeks since I went under the knife for a vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  I’ve gone through more jello and pudding packets than I ever care to think about.  I’ve eaten enough yogurt and apple sauce to fill a child’s pool (that may not seem like a whole lot, but I did it in one and two ounce increments).  And I am not even going to talk about the number of protein shakes I’ve had to drink.  The suffering has all been worth it, though.  I have lost 93 pounds since surgery for a total of 132 since October.

I have experienced remarkable changes in how I feel.  My energy level is through the roof, compared to where it was before.  I started working out with a Lodge Brother of mine, which is something that shocked even me.  I had a gym membership that I hadn’t used in over two years.  Why? Because f*ck it, that’s why!  Now, I go three to four times a weeks and I find myself looking forward to the workout.  Who is this man and what has he done with Marv?

None of my clothes fit me anymore.  I put on the pants for my tuxedo over the weekend.  I didn’t even bother unclasping and unzipping then, I just pulled them up.  When I let them go, they fell straight to the floor.  To say that it wasn’t a great feeling would be telling one the biggest lies ever.  I have gone down five sizes in pants and almost three sizes for shirts.  I’m sorry if it seems like I am bragging here, that is not how I mean it.  I am just really happy and proud.

There are times when I feel like I am discovering the world all over again.  Chairs with arms used to terrify me, because I knew that I would never get my big ass in them.  Now, though, most chairs will accommodate my posterior just fine.  Yes, some are still a bit snug, but I can sit in them with minimal discomfort.   Recently, I discovered that I have a lap again.  I’m still getting used  to that one in fact.  It’s an extra place to rest things, like having a little table everywhere you go.  Mind-blowing.  Every now and then, I’ll catch my refection in a window or mirror, but not recognize that it is me.  I just see a ruggedly handsome man staring back at me and then I realize he is wearing one of my old shirts (of smaller size).

That handsome guy is someone I am not used to having around, so one of the hardest things to which I am adjusting is accepting compliments from people.  I absolutely appreciate the kind words, but it is quite funny to me when people say things like, “Your wife must beat the women away from you with a stick,” or “Hey, who’s that sexy?”  I understand folks are paying me a compliment, but at first I think, “So, apparently, I have been repulsive until now?”  Please let me reiterate that I truly appreciate the compliments, so please keep them coming.  I’m just adjusting to the idea that other folks might find me attractive.   Of course my wife has always found me attractive, but she is blinded by my charm and wit.

Speaking of my wife, I would be remiss if I did not salute her unwavering support and stringency in attempting to keep me on task and within my dietary bounds.  She had every cause to give up on me weeks ago, because I am what professional behaviorists refer to as a dumb ass.  I regularly read down the list of things I shouldn’t eat or drink and pick something to try anyway.  What the hell do doctors know?  Everyone is different and I am the one going through this, right?  I don’t care what the well-researched documentation says, I know I can have a beer.  My wife tries to rain on my parade by reminding me that the restricted list is there for my well-being.  What ever?!  I quickly remind her that I know my own body and therefore I am the best judge of what I can and cannot have THANK YOU VERY MUCH!  So, I have a drink of that beer.  Shows what she kno– Oh God!  This is not good!  Terrible pain and nausea.  Why did I drink that?  It is at this point when my wife simply smiles and says, “One day you’ll listen to me.”  And that is the statement that shows how little she knows.  A diagnosed dumb ass will never listen to the words of logic and sanity.  She keeps offering those words, though, even if I am too dumb to heed them.

Bottom line, I am very happy with my progress and very thank full for my support system.  Having the surgery was one of the best decisions I have made.  I am very eager to see how the next few weeks go and what changes will occur.  Keep checking back for updates.

Thank you for reading!


6 thoughts on “Half the Man I Used to Be: Changes and Discoveries

Add yours

  1. I feel about Diet Coke how you feel about beer….one dip later…4 trolling burps and I know no more bubbles!

  2. Grampa Shingler;
    HEY, Congrats and a big pat on the back on the steady progress, and keep it going; —- Brad Pitt; —- Move over !!!! A new star is on his way. ————————- “Grumpa”

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